16 days

16 days,
time that were very slow for me,
time that some of it i appreciated it,
some of it i wasted.

16 days,
why, o why,
why this happens,
to us, to you, me.

16 days,
its already spring time,
the warmth of summer is coming,
but the chilled winter still here.

16 days,
truly, i will keep counting,
i cant deny it,
nor can i ignore it.

i know, at this moment,
it doesnt matter anymore,
how much i love,
how much i miss.

goodnite,
my dream, my heart.

Mobile Blogging from here.

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Past tense - love

Assalmualaikum and a very good morning.

Exam is finished just 12 hours ago. and i dont to talk about it any-for now. today i would share my experiences about love. well love is a very subjective thing that can give thousands of meaning. to me, i as normal person, i always in love with someone, each time in my daily live.

for the truth, i can deny love better than express it. i,m not the one that cant live without love, but i do need it, in some spaces of my life. since i was in kindergarden, i already had felt in love. well its not about love actually, its more about 'like' rather than love.

for real, i never express my feelings about love to any girl without they expressed it to me first. i am a shy person..and i don't really like to be blushing all the day in front of someone i like/love. haha, its crazy but somehow its really sweet. to me, friendship is more important than 'unjustified'love. i,m afraid if i express my feelings first, i would cross the border of 'friendship' to obtain an unsure 'relationship'. i don't want to take the risk. so i would feel fine to remain in the bond of friendship.

how i express my love? well i don't really express my feelings to the person that i love. but i will do/try as my best to do the best for them. i don't want to make they sad and cry, whenever i was around.

Again, since i was in primary school till i,m 17 years old, i,m really blurred about love. what i mean is i don't know how to 'deal' with my feelings or others in love context. i thought that nobody will ever like/love me.. i thought i have no luck with love. so i just be friendly with my friends. somehow, right now... i just know that before this... so many girl that have come to my life to embrace the love.. but i,m not too mature to share about it. i have close friends with several girls..and i thought 'close friends' can never be 'girlfriends', so i never thought some of them would actually have a feelings to me. i,m too stupid. aren't me? woman have very soft heart. whenever some gentle man touch their heart. they can easily fall in love. but some woman have a very strong container, that prevent them to express the feelings without the any cues/actions from the gentleman. i think i my really problem is, i have the touch of gentleman, but i a have heart of a woman.

life, as life goes... i learnt many things. every single things happened made who i am today. i will not hate anyone.. any who that has enter in my life. i have fell in love many times... i,m happy to feel that~ to all who actually do like me before, thank you very much. i,m sorry i cant react well to you, but i do like each of u very much.

i really don't know why some woman/girl really like/love me so much. but i,m glad, i have a meaning in their life. my past will always come along with my present and i will not deny it. thank you Allah for the great experience of love in my life. its beautiful. its wonderful.

last but not least, yeah right now, i,m in love with someone that i wont share. my love is not my word, but my heart.

' how can i forget all that,
when you're the one who make me smile
you'll always be part of me '

~when you love someone, you will do the very best for them. so good luck. ~ ,)

A new day as always

Assalamualaikum and a happy good morning,

today i wake up at 8 a.m ( Suboh prayed already) , hoping for a fine day today. what i mean by fine is i can accomplished what i am supposed to do- mostly atleast. i have to study and do some revisions for my coming exam that is near the corner of this month.

well talk about yesterday, i am pretty sad because i went through the Card Signing worst. i am blurred, confiused and dissappointed of myself. what happenned actually, the lecturer asking me about some nerves and what did the nerves do.

me : (what did they do?) urm they actually flexed and extended the elbow
lecturer : no you are wrong.
me : hurm? ( confiused and again confiused and confiused)

i wont tell further details, but the main thing i got a very poor grade - grade that i really deserved it. it is a very mentally challenge experience, where everyone looking at you and laughing due to your 'stupidiness'. its hard to accept. really.

However, i did evaluated myself. my major mistake is i did not understand what the base of the queastion itself. when i keep evaluate myself after the 'incidence' (its not an accident because i can really prevent it) till i back home. well, the answer for that easy question can be divided into certain parts. a) what muscles did they supply b) what are the course of the nerves. if the lecturer specifically ask me based on the 2 parts i mentioned before, i could certainly answer it right.

keeping evaluating, my life is not about 'if''... 'if' really presents, life will be simple and as abc. But the truth of reality is, life is not about 'if'. its about learning lessons and do not repeat it again. well thats mean life is much complicated and interesting. i have to face it with a big heart. in positive thinking, this bad incidence happened really motivated me to improve, and keep studying for the coming examination. 'if' i get a good result, i will be much overconfident. right?

i just want to say to the lecturer yesterday,
' thank you. you give me much lessons that i will never forget'

talking about today. i am going to start studying. no more playing around. when we need to be serious, we have to. so do i.

last but not least, the lesson is, if u did not understand the question, reask the question for better understanding- for your/me benefit.

thank you.
all the best all.

7/5/2011
MeA

The first time.

Assalamualaikum and peace upon you,

so this is the first time i am blogging, or i can say that it is the first time i write something not for examination, nor some kind of formal letter to family/MARA/RCSI.

couples of month before, there is a friend of mine asking me about blogging. do you want to know what is my response?

" i had better spend my time on playing games or sleep rather wasting time on blogging"

after all people have a right for what they are doing. ,)

well the reasons why i started to blog are to start giving of opinions, and to share my knowledge and some experiences. furthermore, i think when i do this blogging, i can express my feelings naturally. ( maybe there is a talent in me ) ,)

maybe because my handwriting a bit.... (a lower bit than good, ask yourselves) so i had no intention on writing for leisure.hahah if i want, i really can give thousands of reason for not blogging-ever.

fortunately, here i am. blogging in the middle of night. i have no sense telling story for the sake of making people
laugh, or happy or even cry. i wanted to post something that really comes from the bottom of my heart, hopefully i can be more sincere in my life. i have reasons for it, shall not tell by now. ,)

in a nutshell, whoever found this blog, i hope atleast this blog can give some benefits to you - so you are not wasting yourself here. i acknowledge all of ur time here.

thats all for tonight,
jzkk and a very good night i wish to all.
thank you.
6/5/2011
MeA

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